Hailee M's video: Grow 2017

I honestly don't even know where to start with this year. It simultaneously holds some of the best and worst moments of my life. I finally graduated from high school and right off the bat got a job that I had always wanted (which has meant I've gotten to purchase all the tack I've always dreamed of having, major plus there :D), I finally got my little brat of a pony back into the show ring and he made so much progress, I was finally able to move Zant up to the 3' at our last show for the season, and we accomplished quite a lot of the goals I set for us this year. However, I've let go of so much this year. After graduating I parted ways with many friends, which isn't surprising because that happens to everyone after graduation, but it felt weird not having them around nonetheless. In all honesty I'm just flat out exhausted at the moment and have been for the past month, and I wasn't able to ride for almost all of December. I said goodbye to bug after having him for over 9 years. I always knew it was going to happen but it's weird not having him reek havoc around here anymore :') I feel like a part of me went with him when he left. Actually I think I've lost a lot of 'me' throughout this year. I don't know, I've just felt very lonely and out of control right now. I won't go too much into detail about my more personal life, but a lot of little things just build up ya know? But regardless, it's been a year of growth. cliche eh? I'm just hoping I can grow in the direction I want to by the end of this year. Come Fall my gap year will be over and I'll most likely be off to college. I don't know exactly where or what for yet, but I'm hoping I won't be very far from home or Zant. Honestly I find the future terrifying and I've spent so many days and nights panicking over it, worried that maybe I'm never going to amount to anything or do anything significant. Most of all I'm just scared that I'm going to feel "stuck" forever. Here's to 2017 for teaching me so much pain and so much joy, and here's to hoping 2018 is actually a decent year. Song : Grow - Frances