Mollie Wasser's video: Legally Blonde: There Right There

There! Right There! from the broadway production Legally Blonde Elle: There! Right There! Look at that tan, that tinted skin. Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh Please he's gay, totally gay. Callahan: I'm not about to celebrate. Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say not gay. All: That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey? Emmett: But look at his coiffed and crispy locks. Elle: Look at his silk translucent socks. Callahan: There's the eternal paradox. Look what we're seeing. Elle: What are we seeing? Callahan: Is he gay? Elle: Of course he's gay. Calahan: Or European? All: ohhhhhh. Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee Is he gay or European? Warner: Well, hey don't look at me. Vivian: You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports. All: In shiny shirts and tiny shorts. Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks. They will say things like "ciao bella" while they kiss you on both cheeks. Elle: Oh please. All: Gay or European? So many shades of gray. Warner: Depending on the time of day, the French go either way. All: Is he gay or European? or Enid: There! Right There! Look at that condescending smirk. Seen it on every guy at work. That is a metro hetero jerk. That guy's not gay, I say no way. All: That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume Elle: Is automatically-radically Callahan: Ironically chronically Vivian: Certainly pertin'tly Warner: Genetically medically All: GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY DAMNIT! Gay or European? Callahan So stylish and relaxed. All: Is he gay or European? Callahan I think his chest is waxed. Vivian: But they bring their boys up different there. It's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse. All: If he wears a kilt or bears a purse. Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code. Brooke: Yet his accent is hypnotic but his shoes are pointy toed. All: Huh. Gay or European? So many shades of gray. Judge: But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday. All: Is he gay or European? gay or european? Gay or Euro- Emmett: Wait a minute! Give me a chance to crack this guy. I have an idea I'd like to try. Callahan: The floor is yours. Emmett: So Mr. Argitacos... This alleged affair with Ms. Windam has been going on for...? Mikos: 2 years. Emmett: And your first name again is...? Mikos: Mikos. Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is...? Mikos: Carlos. I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You say boyfriend. I thought you say best friend. Carlos is my best friend. Carlos: You bastard! You lying bastard! That's it. I no cover for you, no more! Peoples. I have a big announcement. This man is Gay and European! you've got to stop your being a completely closet case. No matter what he say. I swear he never ever ever swing the other way. You are so gay. You big parfait! You flaming boy band cabaret. Mikos: I'm straight! Carlos: You were not yesterday. So if I may, I'm proud to say, He's gay! All: And European! Carlos: He's gay! All: And European! Carlos: He's gay! All: And European and Gay! Mikos: Fine okay I'm gay! All: Hooray! Mikos and Carlos: Fine. Okay. We're gay!