Shu's video: Why Chinese parents don t say I love you

Why Chinese parents don’t say “I love you”. My Chinese parents have never said “I love you” to me - at least not verbally. When I was a kid, I used to constantly compare them to my Caucasian peers - I’d see how their fathers would call them “sweetheart”, “darling” and “princess” whereas I’d get “阿怪” (hey weirdo) “大耳牛” (forgetful big ear cow) and “家姐” (big sister) (these are affectionate Cantonese nicknames!) I’d see their mothers give their children big bear hugs, sloppy kisses on their cheeks and handwritten cards on their birthday - then think about my mum going “食咗飯未呀?” (have you eaten yet?), “出邊凍啊, 記得着褸” (it’s cold outside, remember your coat), “飲湯呀，趁佢熱” (drink tong/soup while it’s hot). But the older I get, the more I realise my parents have been telling me “I love you” all along. They show it through the plates of cut up fruit. They show it through the huge bowls of nourishing tong they woke up extra early to make. They show it through the immediate trips they make to Chinatown as soon as they hear we’re coming back for dinner. They show it through the table full of my favourite dishes (even if they’ve made enough to feed a family of 10). They show it through the short but firm messages to wear another layer, to not go to bed too late, to not stress over work too much. They show it through the way they secretly boast about me and my siblings to their friends whenever we’re out of earshot (but are far too awkward to say it to our faces). They show it through the immediate shuffle to cover me with a blanket whenever I fall asleep on the sofa. They show it through the Tupperware boxes full of home cooked food layered neatly in their reuseable (and very robust) shopping bags. Everybody and every culture have their own ways of communicating “I love you” – and just maybe, those thankless tasks our parents did for us (that we took for granted when we were younger) have been an expression of their love to us this entire time.