Vivian McGrath's video: The Power of Choice

I lay sobbing on my bed. It had taken me one year to find the courage to leave a violent man who had almost killed me in our marriage. That is how powerful coercive control is. Now I was on my own, with nothing but my baby and a few possessions. How has my life come to this? I was a rock bottom and totally alone. I felt so much shame and guilt. I still felt sorry for him and loved him. Sorrier for him than I did for me, even after all he had done to hurt me. He’d tried to kill himself. A hospital psychiatrist called me to guilt-trip me into marriage counseling by saying he had done this because I had left him. I couldn’t get much lower than this. I could have felt so sorry for myself and wallowed in my own pity party. I could have spent the rest of my life feeling bitter and blaming myself for staying too long or blaming him for my pain. Like he still does about me. I could have wasted years moaning in Facebook Groups about the nastiness of my narcissist ex or “nex” as so many women stuck in that spiral call them. But I had a choice. And this was one of the most important decisions of my life. And it is yours to make if you want to. We can choose to be defined by and as a victim of the past or past memories and trauma. Or, we can decide to move forward with our lives and be defined by a vision of the future. I chose the latter and changed my life. Many don’t. There is a payoff from staying stuck in a victim state. You get to be the poor-me martyr who everyone feels sorry for. I see a lot of them inside Facebook groups. You get to blame someone else for your problems and deny there’s anything wrong with you. Often it’s easier to stay stuck in that dysfunctional comfort zone than step out and take responsibility for your own actions and decisions. Let alone take action to change your life. I instinctively knew what would happen if I did that. I might have gone back to more years of heartache and pain. Felt lonely inside a marriage even though he lay beside me in our bed. Abandoned by him whenever I needed him. As he did one day after I gave birth to our son when he disappeared and left me at the hospital. Me, having to beg him days later when he resurfaced, to please come and pick me up. Or having left him, feeling isolated, ashamed, and as if I had failed. Repeating that pattern as I jumped into the next relationship with a toxic man. Your past doesn’t equal your future unless you bring the past with you. But you have to consciously choose to break those chains that bind you to it. When I asked myself: “who do I have to become to create the life I need for me and my son?” I chose to leave the past behind. I was not going to be defined as a victim of domestic violence. I was a strong, capable woman who had lost her way. A victim of generational dysfunction that had passed down from my parents to me. But that wasn’t who I was. I could break the cycle so I didn’t pass it down to my son. And that is what I chose to do. I moved forward to find that better life. I turned my courage into love - for myself. I turned my anger into forgiveness - for myself, for him, and for others who had hurt me. I never looked back. The journey was tough, but I now live that vision that I had for my life. On a boat with my beautiful man who is my champion, team-mate, and best friend. We have traveled the world together and taken our sons on incredible life adventures and they've grown into emotionally intelligent men. The past pain is long gone. Only joy remains. Life doesn’t happen to you. You are not a victim of it unless you choose to be. Bad stuff happens, I know and life can be harsh. I've been there, experienced that. But every day is a new day. This year is a new year so you get a clean slate. Which choice are you going to make? If you are ready to move forward with your life, invest time and money into your healing then watch my free Webinar. This is ONLY for women who are who will not live one more day in a victim state and are ready to do whatever it takes to transform their lives. This is NOT for you if you are looking for a quick fix or unwilling to invest in yourself. I have plenty of free YouTube videos if that's you. Please don't waste your time or mine if you are not ready. Watch Webinar here -- https://joinnow.live/s/xMOdfN