acmkyle's video: The Hula Incident 2003

Finally… what has become known in my family as "The Hula Incident". Please indulge me, as this video needs, nay DEMANDS, a lengthy explanation. In other words; a speech for the defence. Those that know me well will know that although I haven't had children of my own (to my knowledge) I have two nephews. Adam & Callen - this is for you… When the boys father walked out when they were very young, my brother David & I have tried to always be there for the guys. Be it school concerts, sporting events, birthdays, teacher meetings, etc, etc we've always tried to go to everything. Having said that, I couldn't love these guys more if they were my own sons. As any parent will tell you, there's NOTHING you wouldn't do for your kids. This is a sentiment that has come back to haunt me… Bugger. This story starts many, many years ago - I'm probably wrong, but I think Adam was about 5 and Cal was 3. The boys were obviously distraught at their father leaving and David (I'll lay the blame on him) asked Adam, "Is there anything you'd like? Anything I can do for you? Just name it." Adam replied, "I wanna go to Disneyland." "Umm…. I was thinking more along the lines of a basketball or a skateboard…." "Disneyland" Long pause. "Hmmm…. I tell you what. When you & Callen are old enough I'll take you to Disneyland" Adam then disappeared into his bedroom and came back a while later with a piece of paper which he handed to Dave. "Sign this." Yup. He'd drawn up a contract that read, "When Adam is old enough Uncle Dave will take him to Disneyland." Keep in mind - he was 5 years old. Bright kid. The "contract" lived in the bottom of Adams toy box for many years and was occasionally brought out with a flourish, "I still haven't forgotten about this" So - years later Adam is 14, Cal is 12 (I think. Again, I may be wrong) and Dave & I take them to Disneyland & LA - with a visit to Mexico & a stopover in Hawaii on the way home. Which brings us to the video… don't worry, I'm getting there… After a week or so in Hawaii, we end the trip with a night at a "traditional" Lu'au. I was pretty cool. They pick you up at your hotel in a big coach & proceed to fill you with countless enormous cocktails called "Blue Lagoons". You can see where this is going…? I swear I can't remember much of that night to this day. The evidence is all there on the video. Ouch. This is what I DO remember. The night is drawing to a close & the guy on stage asks for volunteers for their famous "Hula Competition". This is where that statement, you'd do ANYTHING for your kids comes back to bite you on the arse. Callen - "Come on, Al! We've GOT to do this!" "Not a chance" "Come on!" "Nope. No way!" "Pleeeease? We're in Hawaii!!" "Oh… crap." Callen & I are at the foot of the stairs leading up onto the stage. I climb the stairs & behind me I hear the words, "Nuh - I'm outta here!" & Cal's disappeared. I'm now on stage… "Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" The little bastard chickened out. "Ok… what's the worst that can happen…" HA!! The volunteers are whittled down and you can see the moment when I realise that I'm the ONLY one left on the stage. Meanwhile David, Adam & Callen are laughing so hard that they're falling over. You can hear it on the video. That's the other thing I was to learn - they were videoing it…. David's laughing so much that thankfully he misses a lot of the action on stage. He missed the bit where one of the young Hawaiian hotties nearly bowls me over with a huge "arse-bump" - you only see my reaction. I bumped her right back. :-) The rest is pretty self-explanatory. You reach the point of humiliation where you just say, "Oh, f*ck it." So… this video hides in the back of the cupboard, safely concealed in the darkness for over a decade. Until recently. Callen - "Hey, whatever happened to the Hawaiian video?" "Umm…" "You have to let us see it again" "Umm…" "You need to post it on Facebook or YouTube" "Are you off your friggin' tree??" "Come on!!" "No way!" "Pleeeease?" "Oh… crap." Loving your kids comes back to bite you on the arse. So… fully understanding the backlash I'm going to cop and appreciating the severity of the crime that I've committed against humanity & the fine art of dance, I present you with something that only our immediate family has ever seen: "The Hula Incident". Callen - Happy Birthday, dude! I love ya, you little creep. ;-) Adam, even though your legal prowess is responsible for all of this, I still love you as well. As for me, I'm going to fall back on the statement that Hollywood starlets have used for years: I was young. I needed the work.