shackelclic's video: CLASH BUZZ A-Ring-A-Ding-Ding

N'hésitez pas à activer les sous-titres ! Bon kif ! https://twitter.com/shackelpopoulos https://fr-fr.facebook.com/Augustin.S... Hi, I suck corporate cocks, and welcome to : CLASH ! BUZZ ! and A-Ring-A-Ding-Ding. If you've missed this week's hot potato, let me get you caught up on what happened right there. As devastating breaking news took the whole showbusiness world by surprise when last Monday, French public TV execs abruptly put a stop to Stéphane Bern's thought-provoking Bob-Dylan inspired afternoon-chit-chat-show 'How does it feel good ?' after last weeks' ratings had hit an unprecedented record-breaking rock bottom. 52 year-old era-defining national-treasure Stéphane Bern had been presenting 'How does it feel good ?' ever since he'd left his revolutionary radio hit show 'The King's Loco' in 2010, and in TV rock star years, that's already several centuries. As the aftermath of the horror grew wild, legions of fans started claiming that Bern should now replace kinky garden king Stéphane Marie as chairman of the board of billion-dollars flora-oriented award-winning hit-show 'Shut The Fuck Up It's Growing', a weekly spare-no-expense immersion in the grassy universe made worldwide famous by $1.4M-grossing Academy-Award nominee feature-film 'Microcosmos'. In a edgy statement, Bern wrote : « The only things Stéphane Marie seems unable to grow are the viewing figures and his hair. Let me tell it straight, he added : not only America's under attack, but we live in crucial times for vegetables of all shapes and Marie doesn't seem to understand that among flowers, today more than ever, speed is the new currency. As an architect of change myself I talk with various important flowers every day, and what they need is less regulation and more water. Much more. So you'd better trust me when I say : in this whole wide globalised goddam gardening world, the next Gandhi might be a hibiscus. » In an off-the-record pillow-talk, Bern then reinforced his conviction that without enough water supply, begonias and rhodendrons were destined to die, and if chosen by France TV's CEO he would be ready to give rutabagas the come-back they deserve on national prime-time HDTV. « Believe me, he concluded, rutabagas are the new french fries. And I ain't whistling Dixie, for fuck sake's. » 'Shut The Fuck Up It's Growing' presenter Stéphane Marie's reaction was quicker than ever to hit the twittosphere. « If you take over my show, he tweeted, I'll gladly invite you to my own back garden, where you can binge-lick my ass. » In a bold move, Stéphane Bern then attempted to burn the attack down by posting shocking arty pictures of himself enjoying some quality-time with his two most faithful companions, the three of them happily head-to-toe naked, except for 8 trillion dollars worth of jewelry inside Bern's ass. Bern later admitted to taking steroids before the shot, explaining : « I just wanted to look good. Now I regret. », and adding : « Let's party ! ». Morandini Santé immediatly diagnosed him as « Insane, and insanely hot ! », to which Bern responded quite firmly : « STFU ». Unable to cope with the scandal, Bern's own little doggy Virgule fell into a coma just minutes before being shot dead by a bunch of twitter maniacs. « He was just a kid, mourned Bern to the Associated Press, and much more than that, he was a dog. Today, the canine world lost a visionnary for canine rights. Now is the time for me to go home and do what I do best : drink another fifty glass of pure hard mexican shot every fucking day until I lose my mind. But remember, he concluded : I will take revenge and kill. » As a throwback thursday tribute to Virgule, Bern then retweeted his incredible post-break-up body looking slimmer than ever, even though he was to be seen the next day at billionaire's pre-7 d'Or picnic enjoying ketchup and was even heard describing it as : « Hmm, just so yammy. » Invincible Bern, now single and ready to kick-ass, seems destined to rock the red carpet at the upcoming 7 d'Or held this year at the prestigious Lidl Arena. Even fellow nominee Slam's fantastic Cyril Féraud unprecedently wrote : « Stéphane Bern really deserves it. I am certain he will take the 7 d'Or home. This is his year. Think about it : Lou Reed is gone. Bowie is gone. Jean-Luc Delarue is gone. Bern is the last of the one-and-onlys. And may I add, on a personal note : he's just a great guy. » Thanks for watching. My name is Barack Obama : Father, Husband, 44th President of the United States of America. Stay tuned for a complete coverage of the 7 d'Or to be hosted this year by none-other than legendary shape-shifting dead producer Jean-Luc Delarue in a larger-than-life hologram expected to deliver once again his much-awaited boobs-fiddling classic hit. We'll be right back for more : CLASH ! BUZZ ! and A-Ring-A-Ding-Ding.